I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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