Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Randomize
