Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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