This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
