i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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