I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wish i was in the wii world.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
