Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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