I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My feet surprised me
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