No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
