Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
