The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
