i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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