everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It's just like the Real World with babies
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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