Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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