She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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