UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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