you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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