I looked at my own cervix.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
