using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
4 words: hood of his car
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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