just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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