i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
