I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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