We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
