She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
