so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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