My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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