So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
