Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
