dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
