8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He better not be in your backpack
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm really busy with my period
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