HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
