lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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