the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I cockslap morals
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
