Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
