I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
