i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
