It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
