I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
