so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
