Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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