lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
