and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
