i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
