His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
