I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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