I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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