I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
