I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
