I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
