I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
